Kieran I want…things I would like to do before 30…Visit John O’Groats or Orkney.

The Lonely planet guide to Scotland describes John O’Groats as:

“A car park surrounded by tourist shops, John O’Groats offers little to the visitor beyond a means to get across to Orkney…it serves as the end-point of the 874 mile trek from Land’s End in Cornwall”

I couldn’t have put it better myself, how disappointing it must be to anyone that has made the arduous journey of 874 miles to be greeted with such a depressing site; closed down pubs, a boarded up hotel and kitsch shops.

The sign is a private enterprise so you have to ask nicely to take your own photos if you don’t want to pay for their photographic services; although cheerfully enough the photographer waved us to go ahead and asked for a donation to a cancer charity they collect for.

I can’t see that anyone would want to spend anytime here at all, so Colin and I snapped away and then scooted off to catch our ferry across to Orkney.

Who would have thought that so many wonders of the world could be packed into such a tiny collection of Islands; Skara Brae, a 5000 year old prehistoric village predating Stonehenge and the Pyramids of Giza. Maes Howe; a stone age tomb also about 5000 years old and broken into by Vikings searching for treasure in the 12th century – those cheeky Vikings carved runic graffiti on the walls; ‘ Olaf was ‘ere’ and ‘Thorni bedded Helga’. Then there is the Tomb of the Eagles, an Italian Chapel, Standing Stones and Scapa Flow among other wonders and yet somehow a sign with the words Twatt on it is enough to make the journey worthwhile.

A week or so later when we were heading back to Cardiff and stopped off in Chester for an overnight stay we wondered into a local pub and started to play Deal or No Deal on the pubs game machine. No word of a lie but one of the questions that came up was what is the name of the village in Orkney called – you can’t make up coincidences like that.

Kieran I want...you to re-ignite/get into METAL

I can’t go anywhere without my ipod and love it when people recommend music. I used to try and stop myself using the shuffle option as I used to think albums should be listened through in their entirety but who has time to keep up that conviction especially on their walk to work. So the majority of the time a track will come on and I won’t have a clue on the artist. I used to be quite curtailed in my choice of music; indie often melancholy, guitar based bands often four sweaty boys intent on inflicting their woes and sorrows on my ears for my musical appreciation.


Dan Kitson sums it up nicely:

‘I like a very specific sort of music, not too specific, I like various things but basically if all the music I liked met at a party it would all get on. Although it’s not really the sort of music that would go to a party…I like sort of fairly whimsical, fairly melancholy, fairly lyrically ambitious stuff, that’s what I like’

I remember saying to my cousin that I wanted music for every mood but then would go to a club and dance along to all those indie boy songs in my head rather than what was played. Thankfully over the years I have had a burgeoning appreciation for all types of music and although was still a devoted Melody Maker/NME reader way past the explicable time limit of late twenties (When you make the leap from NME to something like Q and then Q to Mojo; your passing years played out in glossy magazine format) indie provided the bedrock to this otherwise flourishing music appreciation.

So when Rich from work challenged me to:

Re-ignite/get into METAL (I’ll provide the CD) and

Watch the DVD Metal: A Headbangers Journey, best Heavy Metal Documentary to date (I can also provide) for my Kieran I want I loved the idea

The documentary is done by Sam Dunn a 30-year old anthropologist who decided to study the culture of heavy metal a culture he has been a part of since he was a 12-year old. He jets across the world to find out why 'his music has been consistently stereotyped, dismissed and condemned and yet is loved so passionately by its millions of fans'.

And concludes in a festival mosh pit that:

"Ever since I was 12 years old I had to defend my love for heavy metal against those who say it's a less valid form of music. My answer now is that you either feel it or you don't. If metal doesn't give that overwhelming surge of power that make the hair stand up at the back of your neck, you might never get it, and you know what? That's okay, because judging by the 40,000 metalheads around me we're doing just fine without you"

And 30 hard rocking, mind blowing and gut busting tunes for 30 years now happily on rotate in on my ipod as below:

ACDC - For those about to rock
Metallica - For whom the bell tolls
Megadeath - Peace Sells
Motorhead - Killed by Death
Slayer - Raining Blood
Saxon - Wheels of Steal
Black Sabbath - Iron Man
Dio - Holy Diver
Motley Crue - Dr Feelgood
Guns n Roses - Mr Brownstone
Iron Maiden - 2 Minutes to Midnight
ZZ Top - La Grange
Whitesnake - Still of the night
Alice Cooper - Welcome to my Nightmare
Ozzy Osbourne - Mr Crowley
The Answer - Come Follow Me
Danzig - Am I demon
Def Leppard - Armageddon It
Dragonforce - Fury of the Storm
Judas Priest - Hell Bent For Leather
KISS - Detroit Rock City
Poison - Nothin' But A Good Time
Rainbow - Stargazer
System Of A Down - Chop Suey!
Tenacious D - Wonderboy
Van Halen - Runnin with the Devil
Probot - Shake Your Blood
Slash (Myles Kennedy) - Back From Cali
School Of Rock Soundtrack - Fight
Rage Against The Machine - Know Your Enemy

Kieran I want...the list so far

I started writing things I’d like to have done before I’m 30; Milk a cow, Learn to Eskimo roll a kayak, Have a go on a Unicycle etc But this all seemed a bit self indulgent. So I asked friends and family what they want me to do for them that I can add to the list…Kieran I want (read about it here)


The list so far….

Milk a cow
Learn to Eskimo roll a kayak
Have a go on a Unicycle
Learn to sign a full sentence in Sign language
Roller skate to work
Organise a Karaoke eve
Go to a Michelin star veggie restaurant
Walk Ben Nevis/Scafell Pike
Sleep rough/work in a soup kitchen
Watch Dancer in the Dark
Watch Last of the Mohicans
Clear out phone messages
Clear out e-mail inbox
Fix bike
Place a bet
Donate sperm
Be an extra in TV/Film
Be a life model/ get portrait painted/caricature
Make some money for charity
Give blood
Steer a canal boat
Go on the aqua bus
Go for a Ghost walk in Llandaff
Row a boat on Roath Park Lake
Start or join a flash mob
Visit lands end or Orkney
See l’Palace ideal
Organise a night out in Minskeys
Go to Edinburgh festival/Bristol Balloon festival
Take mum to Liverpool
Ride a Sedway
Go to Morocco

Suggestions for Kieran I want you too:

Write a blog post about this for the hackflash blog
Bake a cake for charity (Bobath)
Get the portrait done at the moulin rouge
Get a tattoo
Go to a dance class in Cardiff
Come and stay at my flat and have me treat you to breakfast
Get your hair permed again
Find somewhere to learn a flying trapeze
Pick a list of 'must reads' and try and read them all before you're 30
Go to digger land
Go to Glasgow
Throw a pot? Or pour iron; iron pour events are pretty amazing
Finish your book and let it go; either send it to a publisher or set it free on its own ceremonial voyage into the world
Come over and see my flat and then for us to go for lunch in Brighton which has always been something we have said that we would do - I have been living in my flat for over 4 years now, Hehe!!
Take me to see a cracking band of your choice (like that time we saw 'Seeing Scarlet'...i wonder what ever happened to them)
You to find a nice girl who appreciates you :-)
Go horse riding in the Gower
To have a colonic irrigation please.
Take part in capoeira classes
Option 1
Kayak trip down the wye valley - learning how to eski MOOOOOO roll with me and the Aber crew
Option 2
Come with me to Nepal in October to trek to base camp Everest for charity
Come and see me and Stu and watch 'Little Shop of Horrors'
Do a sprint triathlon, I can help if needed.
Instead of doing Ben Nevis and Scar Fell Pike; do the three peaks challenge which is doing those two and Snowdon with in 24hrs.
A sky dive? Finchy is trying to organise one soon so you could do it with him.
Come and watch the magnificent Daniel Kitson with me
Host a karaoke party with family and friends
Host a progressive dinner party for 4-8 people which involves 4 locations, only one of which can be at your home
Come to the Bingo
Organise and run a quiz evening at your local pub
Come and watch me and Em at an open mic night
Come to my stag do at Field Day festival
Do a stand up slot
Get in touch
Ride a horse
To come to Royal Ascot for my 30th
Attempt to break a world record (however silly it is)
Come to our gig in Swindon in July? It’s Saturday 9th July at the Swindon Vic.
Come support Buskers on Bikes gig somewhere near Bristol
Double your reading speed. Apparently we read at between 200-400 words per minute, and it’s not that difficult to get to 1,000 words per minute.
Learn to knit
Come see Daniel Kitson with me
Let me treat you to something you want:
A holiday
Drive a fast car for a day
Try golf lessons
Flying lessons
Sailing
Record a song or poem at a recording studio
Be a alter boy for church
Plant a tree
Work in a zoo for a weekend
Grow and eat your own vegetables
See a classical concert
I wouldn’t mind having a cup of tea with you at all ;-)
Shave your head…or dye it
Eat mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
Sell your soul... and join Facebook (for at least a year).
Come along to see me at my treatment room and have a chest or leg wax
Document all your experiences or at least hear all about them sometime :)
Re-ignite/get into METAL (I’ll provide the CD)
Watch the DVD Metal: A Headbangers Journey (I can also provide) best Heavy Metal Documentary to date.
I would like it very much if you would come to the pub with me at some point in the future because you're so lovely
Become a litter champion
I want you to do a First Aid Course. It may come in handy one day. I believe St.John Ambulance used to run them.

Plant a tree I'm sure there must be a scheme available somewhere.
Volunteer to help out at either Cubs or Scouts.
Have a photo taken with Nanna
Teach me how to use my camera and how to upload photos
Take me to a golf driving range

Any suggestions...cardifference at gmail.com

Kieran I want to watch Dancer in the Dark

I started writing things I’d like to have done before I’m 30; Milk a cow, Learn to Eskimo roll a kayak, Have a go on a Unicycle etc But this all seemed a bit self indulgent. So I asked friends and family what they want me to do for them that I can add to the list…Kieran I want (read about it here)

On more than one occasion I’ve gone into the library with the intension of hiring a movie, walked up and down, round the aisles, scanned the spines, circled the library, picked up, put back, but eventually ended up shrugging and leaving empty handed. Some of the same titles now leap out convincing me that I’ve seen them just because I’ve picked them up and read the backs so many times. 

I once read the Paradox of Choice which promised to ‘explain why too much of a good thing has proven detrimental to our psychological and emotional well being’ a bold statement some might say and the conclusion was equally disquieting ‘As the number of choices we face increases, freedom of choice eventually becomes a tyranny of choice’. Which seems a bit dramatic when relating this to looking for a movie but the back of the book told me: ‘he makes the case that eliminating choices can greatly reduce the stress, anxiety and busyness of our lives…he offers practical steps for how to limit choices…and derive greater satisfaction from the choices you do make’

Now that sounds a bit too much like self help but kind of makes sense when I’m staring blankly, overwhelmed, facing rows and rows of film titles and not one I end up hiring or buying. It’s the same at massive supermarkets; all that choice but I can’t think of anything to cook, huge book stores or looking on amazon; I have to leave or click away after a while scared rigid at the thought that I will never have time to make even a slight dent at reading lists or when I find myself stuck at a restaurant with a menu so long that there can’t be any ingredients left in the world (it helped when I turned veggie which reduced choices overnight). I remember trying to choose a tent to buy once; after two hours the patience of family and the guy serving had warn inextricable thin.

And so with all great 21st century inventions there is a label for this; consumer hyperchoice so it’s always easier for me to take recommendations than go blindly into searching for a movie; Dancer in the Dark was such a recommendation.

A little bit of a person comes with the attachment to the movie/book or whatever when recommended. Their character and proverbial fingerprints come with it; what did they like/dislike about it, when and where did they watch, read, see it; how did they find out about it. It’s a little window to the soul. I love it when second hand books are inscribed so come with an unknown history and when someone gives me a recommendation. Having gone through the whole look of distain with Last of the Mohicans, admitting that I’d never watched Dancer in the Dark was like sticking pins into Hannah so it was put on the list through a strong recommendation.

And thank you for the recommendation; Bjork was incredible, the impromptu musical numbers a surprise, the best quote being when Bjork is talking about loving musicals but annoyance at the last song: “Because you just know when it goes really big... and the camera goes like out of the roof... and you just know it's going to end. I hate that. I would leave just after the next to last song... and the film would just go on forever” that felt (rightly or wrongly) like a fingerprint or window. I was braced to cry as the film had been described as the saddest movie ever made that only took the opening credits for Hannah to reach for the tissues but thanks to the warning I was ready and so the tissues laid dormant.

Kieran I want to ride a Sedway

I started writing things I’d like to have done before I’m 30; Milk a cow, Learn to Eskimo roll a kayak, Have a go on a Unicycle etc But this all seemed a bit self indulgent. So I asked friends and family what they want me to do for them that I can add to the list…Kieran I want (read about it here)

When we turned up for the horse riding in Scotland the centre had just brought and set up a Sedway track. I retrospectively put riding a Sedway onto my list as this was definitely something I would have wanted to do pre 30 had I known. The machines had only recently been brought in but they agreed to take Colin, Ben and I out.

It’s the closest thing to back to the future hover boards that you can get, absolutely bizarre looking and feeling. Its undeniable we looked like complete idiots rigged out in helmets and high vis jackets and going around the course like we’re floating.

You couldn't wipe that grin away if you tried

It wasn’t as expected in that the controls are through your toes and heels not through the column; that is just the steering wheel, not accelerate/break as we’d assumed. The movement feels a lot like skiing or that type of balance. They cost about 10p to fully charge and each Sedway costs £5,000.

The owner maybe made the mistake telling us that there were two modes; so we switched from ‘turtle’ mood to ‘rabbit’ to go off road. They can get up to 12mph and one nearly ended up crashed against a telegraph pole when Ben tried to race and get them up to their full rabbit speed. Back on the track we tried the ramp which we mastered after Colin had a slight tumble and cautious Kieran just made it over.

Off road here we go

Fair play though, the owner is going to send herself to any early grave with worry, with constantly checking over her shoulder and asking us to behave, not overtake and fret about any crashes but we reckoned it was a fine investment; her machine could do with wing mirrors to help lead groups and save her a heart attack but if you get the chance you should jump at the chance to have a go. All of us came off wanting one, you couldn’t get the smiles off our faces for the rest of the day and the girls got stitches with laughter just watching.

'Are those two brothers?'

Kieran I want you to go horse riding

I started writing things I’d like to have done before I’m 30; Milk a cow, Learn to Eskimo roll a kayak, Have a go on a Unicycle etc But this all seemed a bit self indulgent. So I asked friends and family what they want me to do for them that I can add to the list…Kieran I want (read about it here)


Both Cassie and Claire wanted me to go horse riding for Kieran I want. Although Claire first of all said Kieran I want you to find a nice girl who appreciates you :-)

... failing that I want you to take me to Barbados ;-)

But after asking for some achievable ones her further suggestion was:

Kieran I want you to go horse riding in the Gower

Cassie’s was also: Kieran I want you to go on a horse ride.

So although it wasn’t in the Gower (still keen though) and although I’ve ridden before it was years ago, so the chance to have a go in Scotland, see Colin on a horse (never been on one in his life) and take a trot around was a must.

Colin's first time on a steed

Ben provided the highlight of the experience when his horse Mr Giddy described as a racehorse was brought out, thinking this was for me, he started to laugh but quickly reigned that in (get it reigned in) when it turned out that the poor excuse for a horse was his. His feet nearly touched the ground, the horse had a beer belly and wouldn’t move and when he rode past a hedge you could barely see him bobbing alone.

Ben and the not so Mr.Giddy

I had Max who is ‘what is known as a horse’ not donkey, so while Cassie cantered off, Colin overcame his fear and had a great dismount, Jess tried to egg her horse to get into the grove and I had a bop around, Ben had to pick his feet up to stop them dragging along the floor. ‘What as known as – Classic’

No comparison really Max vs Mr. Giddy - only one winner

Kieran I want to watch Last of the Mohicans

I started writing things I’d like to have done before I’m 30; Milk a cow, Learn to Eskimo roll a kayak, Have a go on a Unicycle etc But this all seemed a bit self indulgent. So I asked friends and family what they want me to do for them that I can add to the list…Kieran I want (read about it here)


Admitting to Colin that I had never watched Last of the Mohicans generated the same look of despair that greeted Kat years ago, who studying film and TV and English at university admitted to never watching Top Gun.

A wave of bafflement, a shake of the head, a muttered tut tut or look of bewilderment; having missed some seminal pieces of cinematography and being greeted with looks of distain has happened to me before; never seen Lord of the Rings, are you insane, didn’t get round to watching the Kings Speech, how? missed Titanic; where have you been?

I even pretended to having seen the original Tron when the remake came out to avoid similar accusations; then never got around to watching the re-make anyway. I hadn’t seen Easy Riders until recently, never watched Dark Crystal or Labyrinth as a child, I’m sure I will get around to watching some of the classics; Ben Hur, When Harry met Sally or Gone with the Wind someday (I can hear the sighs and cries of blasphemous scorn though my computer screen) and Dancer in the Dark and the Little Shop of Horrors are on my list. It’s fair to say my film habits are erratic.

I can barely recall the last film I saw, can’t answer film trivia, forget actors and actresses, am bad at describing films and try and avoid being asked what my favourite film is because my mind goes blank. I end up turning over in my mind the only film I happened to have seen the most (about 17 times)…Gremlins 2 which is the first film I brought and a staple watch at all sleepovers during my childhood years, I can’t hear New York New York without picturing dancing and melting gremlins, that or I end up panicking and saying Point Blank, thanks to boyhood crush on Minnie Driver.

I find it amusing that you somehow suddenly become alien when your film tastes or watching habits don’t measure up. I’m suspicious of people that have massive film collections but love going to the cinema, rarely watch a film twice (Gremlins 2 aside), had my first date to the cinema to see Beauty and the Beast, get giddy when watching a good comic book film, finally got round to watching the notebook and pretend there was something in my eye, think 3D films are a bit rubbish and still chuckle to think I caught Ben with ‘It’s complicated’ staring Meryl Streep.

When a copy of Last of the Mohicans posted from Guernsey with no indication of who it was from landed on my door step I thought I had a DVD admirer. Unfortunately that copy didn’t work but the re-issued one coincidentally with a stamp from Enterprise video in Brighton came I watched it (Thank you Colin for sending me the copy and being the DVD mystery sender). I even remembered a line from the movie ‘The whole world is burning’ but don’t ask me to review it for you – it was good, I enjoyed, it’s worth a watch and now it’s ticked off my list.