Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Kieran I want to clear out phone messages

I started writing things I’d like to have done before I’m 30; Milk a cow, Learn to Eskimo roll a kayak, Have a go on a Unicycle etc But this all seemed a bit self indulgent. So I asked friends and family what they want me to do for them that I can add to the list…Kieran I want (read about it here)

Without a doubt one of the things I wanted to do before I was thirty was to clear out my inbox not just e-mails but also on my phone. I’m overtly sentimental when it comes to keeping messages and e-mails hence the reason my inbox at this moment (9th March 16.20) contains 1537 e-mails (136 unread) and 3016 sent items that I seemingly can’t delete. A good spring clean and purge is something I often attempt but it inevitably leads to a similar hypnosis I get when I start looking at photos – I start daydreaming and suddenly hours have flashed by and I’m no closer to making any progress on the job at hand.

So when I had to take a train trip to Leeds and back in a day (phew wee what an early start and long day that was) for a conference it seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up to clear out my phone.

Apparently I have received 12390 messages but only (!) sent 12176 so first off apologies for the 214 messages that I didn’t reply too, secondly my phone doesn’t tell me in what time scale this wealth of communication was undertaken so I can only assume its since I had the phone. If you have seen it, it is more suitable for a museum and people still laugh when I take it out – I have no clue when I brought this but thirdly that is a lot of messages/time, if I was going to characterise my phone usage I would classify myself as a low usage but that figure has freaked me out. I am still very much of the side of my phone isn’t an extension of my arm, I would rather see you face to face or ring for a chat, Maybe I will reply to a text but No my time keeping for messages isn’t great and yet here I am faced with a reality that I’ve sent 12176 messages.

What my phone might look like

But when I try and purge stuff I often get overtly sentimental and wistful. Part of the problem of not being able to press delete all messages is that I like those messages, they are little prompts, small injections of the past; miniature time machines if you like. I can’t see what I sent back so it makes me remember a time, a place, a situation. So at around six in the morning en-route to Leeds I started writing down the ones I wanted to keep and then pressing delete.

I guess writing them down is no better than keeping them in my phone in the first place but the phone is now clear and no longer greats me with ‘No space for new messages’ every time I try and use it.

The oldest message was at 18.26 on the 27.06.06

He he he thank you very much for my wonderful game, just found it, but only got two words so far. You shouldn’t have but thanks x x x

Some phone hijack and funny ones:

It happened again dude, another wet dream about my mum! I keep doing it and can’t seem to stop. Running out of bedsheets. Any Advice? 20.37 15.01.09

I wish U peace, love and health…Blah Blah Blah F**k that S**t! I wish you lots of sex, alcohol and orgasms and hope you win the f**king lottery. Happy New Year 02.28 01.01.10

Others timely:

Emilia Grace Edwards was born this morning at 8.51, weighing in at 6lb 6oz, and is the most beautiful things we have ever seen. Mum and daughter are doing fine and dad is over the moon! 10.28 03.01.11

Some archived seemingly for no reason:

831849835 09.57 07.05.10

Hey sorry whos this x 19.06 10.02.11

2 words…True legend!!! 09.57 07.05.10

Morning pudding, I had to (banana) split otherwise I would have been in a sticky toffee situation but I don’t want to be trifle I’m back in the gateaux a little bit sorbet after the journey but had a ice scream and more than a raspberry ripple of fun x

07.50 13.07.10

And some characteristic:

Hey K K, snowed in on my first day back at work. We hit the anchor what a blast from the past! Had a fab New Year thanks so much for joining, believe you offered to impregnate my mother which has made her year already! Much Love xxx 18.24 06.01.10

I’m so on fire at the moment it really hurts! But in a good way – Lovin it. Did you get a full house 23.49 23.02.11

Pina Colada 1,2,3 A little bit of Malibu, sounds good to me. Baileys in mugs nearly as lovely as hugs 20.33 19.03.10

Hey how goes it? You seem the type who might enjoy pirate themed festivities. There’s a ceilidh on saturday at the ‘roath park’ on city road. Fancy dress optional…x 16.15 18.10.10

The phone spring clean is the first time I have seen –no messages- it’s a purge I can recommend and I hope to keep control over this. I cleared all message counters on the 17.10 09.03.10 and will see how many I send and receive from then till my birthday writing down the ones that I can’t completely delete into the ether.

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